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"A Million Ways to Die in the West" movie quotes break down just how dangerous it was to live in the West in the 1800s. The comedy film was directed by Seth MacFarlane using a screenplay he co-wrote with Alec Sulkin and Wellesley Wild. "A Million Ways to Die in the West" opened in the United States on May 30, 2014.
In "A Million Ways to Die in the West," Albert (MacFarlane) is a sheep farmer in Arizona in 1882. He has a girl, Louise (Amanda Seyfried), but she leaves him thinking that he's a coward. To make matters worse, living in that time period is dangerous with literally a million things around that can kill you. Life in the West simply is not great.
Things take a turn for the better for Albert when a new woman, Anna (Charlize Theron), comes to town. Anna gives Albert the confidence to bounce back and urges him to take part in the gun fight against the most infamous criminal in all the land, Clinch Leatherwood (Liam Neeson), who also happens to be her husband. Of all the ways to die in the West, Albert will have to have luck and skill to survive this battle.
Sarah Silverman, Giovanni Ribisi and Neil Patrick Harris co-star in the comedy.
"A Million Ways to Die in the West" joins already busy Memorial Day 2014 theaters also showing movies such as "Maleficent," "Blended," "X-Men: Days of Future Past," "The Immigrant," "The Love Punch, "The Angriest Man in Brooklyn, "Million Dollar Arm," "Godzilla," "Palo Alto," "Chef," "Legends of Oz: Dorothy's Return Movie Quotes," "Neighbors," "Moms' Night Out," "Devil's Knot," "Belle," "Walk of Shame," and "The Amazing Spider-Man 2."
A Million Ways to Die in the West Movie Quotes,
Most Alluring Fashion Today Is to Simulate a Fat Ass
Albert: "Wow, you look amazing!"
Anna: "I really love that the most alluring fashion today is to simulate a fat ass."
Albert: "If I was a black guy, this is the meanest trick you could play on me."
Anna is excited over the fashion trends of the era. While it could be seen as a trick, the allure of having a fat ass is actually really fashionable.
People Die at the Fair
Albert: "Welcome to our awesome town!"
Anna: "What's with this fair?"
Albert: "Every year people die!"
Anna: "Really? … People die at the fair."
Albert: "People die at the fair."
Albert cozies up with the town's newest resident, Anna. She is interested in their county fair and is surprised that it's so deadly.
You've Never Seen One?
Ruth: "You've never seen one?"
Edward: "No, I feel like I should have a piece of cake or something."
Ruth: "All right, you ready?"
Edward: [heavy breathing] "Okay, I'm going to close the bible now."
Edward is a virgin and is getting to see the first naked woman of his life with Ruth. Well, at least he could if he does not hyperventilate first.
Hey, Look! It's the Ice!
Edward: "Hey, look! It's the ice! Why is it so big?"
Albert: "So it doesn't melt. It's actually really interesting how they do it. It's this one company out in Boston that…" [ice falls, killing a man] "Ohh! That went south so fast!"
…
Pastor Wilson: "James, we will think of you as we sip the cold summer beverages for which you gave your life."
Albert: "They're still going to use the f***ing ice!"
Edward and Albert witness one way to die in the West, falling ice. While they are intrigued to see the giant ice block in their town, especially that it came all the way from Boston, the moment is lost when one of the town's men is killed in the process. Of course, they still use the ice.
I've Never Fired a Gun Before
Anna: "You beat this guy at a gun fight, you're going to be a real hero."
Albert: "He's the most vicious gunfighter in the territory. I've never fired a gun before."
Anna: "I'm going to teach you how to shoot."
Anna urges Albert to take on Clinch Leatherwood in a gun fight. While he's totally down to impress Anna, Albert hesitates, as he's never actually shot a gun in his life.
Drink and Horse
Edward: "Dude, shouldn't drink and horse."
When you're living in the 1800s and nearly everything about you is a fatal accident waiting to happen, the last thing anyone should be doing is attempting to ride a horse when intoxicated. Albert learns that one the hard way.
She Had a Splinter, Doc
Doctor Harper: "I'm just in the middle of surgery."
Albert: "I can come back… You're not big on the hand washing, are you?"
Doctor Harper: "We may have to take that off otherwise you might end up with a case of toe foot."
Albert: "I don't think that's a real thing."
…
Doctor Harper: "I'm sorry I couldn't save her, Albert."
Albert: "She had a splinter, Doc. What the hell were you supposed to do?"
One of the ways to die in the West is featured, death by the doctor. Not helped by their low standards for sanitation, even the smallest injury, such as a splinter, can be deadly in the hands of a doctor in that era.
Everything Out Here That's Not You Wants to Kill You
Albert: "The American west is a terrible place and time. Everything out here that's not you wants to kill you, angry drunk people, hungry animals, outlaws, the doctor."
Albert gives a breakdown of just a few of the million ways to die in the West. Basically, if it's not you, it wants to kill you, and just might succeed.
Please Don't Shoot Us On Sex Night
Clinch Leatherwood: "Somebody in this town is going to die."
…
Edward: "Please don't shoot us on sex night."
When Clinch Leatherwood comes to town and talks about killing someone, Edward hopes that he's not Clinch's target. Come on, who shoots someone on sex night, anyway?
Clik here to view.
"A Million Ways to Die in the West" movie quotes break down just how dangerous it was to live in the West in the 1800s. The comedy film was directed by Seth MacFarlane using a screenplay he co-wrote with Alec Sulkin and Wellesley Wild. "A Million Ways to Die in the West" opened in the United States on May 30, 2014.
In "A Million Ways to Die in the West," Albert (MacFarlane) is a sheep farmer in Arizona in 1882. He has a girl, Louise (Amanda Seyfried), but she leaves him thinking that he's a coward. To make matters worse, living in that time period is dangerous with literally a million things around that can kill you. Life in the West simply is not great.
Things take a turn for the better for Albert when a new woman, Anna (Charlize Theron), comes to town. Anna gives Albert the confidence to bounce back and urges him to take part in the gun fight against the most infamous criminal in all the land, Clinch Leatherwood (Liam Neeson), who also happens to be her husband. Of all the ways to die in the West, Albert will have to have luck and skill to survive this battle.
Sarah Silverman, Giovanni Ribisi and Neil Patrick Harris co-star in the comedy.
"A Million Ways to Die in the West" joins already busy Memorial Day 2014 theaters also showing movies such as "Maleficent," "Blended," "X-Men: Days of Future Past," "The Immigrant," "The Love Punch, "The Angriest Man in Brooklyn, "Million Dollar Arm," "Godzilla," "Palo Alto," "Chef," "Legends of Oz: Dorothy's Return Movie Quotes," "Neighbors," "Moms' Night Out," "Devil's Knot," "Belle," "Walk of Shame," and "The Amazing Spider-Man 2."
A Million Ways to Die in the West Movie Quotes,
Most Alluring Fashion Today Is to Simulate a Fat Ass
Albert: "Wow, you look amazing!"
Anna: "I really love that the most alluring fashion today is to simulate a fat ass."
Albert: "If I was a black guy, this is the meanest trick you could play on me."
Anna is excited over the fashion trends of the era. While it could be seen as a trick, the allure of having a fat ass is actually really fashionable.
People Die at the Fair
Albert: "Welcome to our awesome town!"
Anna: "What's with this fair?"
Albert: "Every year people die!"
Anna: "Really? … People die at the fair."
Albert: "People die at the fair."
Albert cozies up with the town's newest resident, Anna. She is interested in their county fair and is surprised that it's so deadly.
You've Never Seen One?
Ruth: "You've never seen one?"
Edward: "No, I feel like I should have a piece of cake or something."
Ruth: "All right, you ready?"
Edward: [heavy breathing] "Okay, I'm going to close the bible now."
Edward is a virgin and is getting to see the first naked woman of his life with Ruth. Well, at least he could if he does not hyperventilate first.
Hey, Look! It's the Ice!
Edward: "Hey, look! It's the ice! Why is it so big?"
Albert: "So it doesn't melt. It's actually really interesting how they do it. It's this one company out in Boston that…" [ice falls, killing a man] "Ohh! That went south so fast!"
…
Pastor Wilson: "James, we will think of you as we sip the cold summer beverages for which you gave your life."
Albert: "They're still going to use the f***ing ice!"
Edward and Albert witness one way to die in the West, falling ice. While they are intrigued to see the giant ice block in their town, especially that it came all the way from Boston, the moment is lost when one of the town's men is killed in the process. Of course, they still use the ice.
I've Never Fired a Gun Before
Anna: "You beat this guy at a gun fight, you're going to be a real hero."
Albert: "He's the most vicious gunfighter in the territory. I've never fired a gun before."
Anna: "I'm going to teach you how to shoot."
Anna urges Albert to take on Clinch Leatherwood in a gun fight. While he's totally down to impress Anna, Albert hesitates, as he's never actually shot a gun in his life.
Drink and Horse
Edward: "Dude, shouldn't drink and horse."
When you're living in the 1800s and nearly everything about you is a fatal accident waiting to happen, the last thing anyone should be doing is attempting to ride a horse when intoxicated. Albert learns that one the hard way.
She Had a Splinter, Doc
Doctor Harper: "I'm just in the middle of surgery."
Albert: "I can come back… You're not big on the hand washing, are you?"
Doctor Harper: "We may have to take that off otherwise you might end up with a case of toe foot."
Albert: "I don't think that's a real thing."
…
Doctor Harper: "I'm sorry I couldn't save her, Albert."
Albert: "She had a splinter, Doc. What the hell were you supposed to do?"
One of the ways to die in the West is featured, death by the doctor. Not helped by their low standards for sanitation, even the smallest injury, such as a splinter, can be deadly in the hands of a doctor in that era.
Everything Out Here That's Not You Wants to Kill You
Albert: "The American west is a terrible place and time. Everything out here that's not you wants to kill you, angry drunk people, hungry animals, outlaws, the doctor."
Albert gives a breakdown of just a few of the million ways to die in the West. Basically, if it's not you, it wants to kill you, and just might succeed.
Please Don't Shoot Us On Sex Night
Clinch Leatherwood: "Somebody in this town is going to die."
…
Edward: "Please don't shoot us on sex night."
When Clinch Leatherwood comes to town and talks about killing someone, Edward hopes that he's not Clinch's target. Come on, who shoots someone on sex night, anyway?